Let’s say, for a minute, that some shredded cheese is all you have in your fridge and you’re not expecting your next paycheck for a few days. Do you have to eat ramen? Not tonight!

The chupaqueso comes from Schlock Mercenary, where it’s portrayed as something that’s both delicious and super-unhealthy. In reality, though, it’s just cooked cheese.


  • most of one bag of shredded cheese (I prefer Taco and Mexican blends)
  • a little salsa


Heat up a nonstick 8′ skillet to a very high temperature. Add about 2/3 of your cheese in a circular shape in the middle of the pan. Allow to cook 3ish minutes: the cheese should be bubbling, and a crust developing where it contacts the bottom of the pan.

Now fluff your remaining cheese over the cracker before it fully hardens, and flip omelet-style. Remove from heat immediately.

Top with salsa if you have it, or a packet of ketchup you nicked from Mickey D’s if you don’t. And that’s it! Serve immediately.


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